- (jazzcrime) wrote,

12:11 am - if you know me reasonably well you might know the significance of it.

i just had cell group tonight, sometime i don't usually get the chance to go to with everything else going on. for certain reasons it was pretty easy to get to this week, and not for any good reasons. it's amazing how you can be in love with someone for such a long period of time, and suddenly (or not so suddenly, whichever the case may be) realise something has changed, maybe you've drifted apart, or maybe things just aren't meant to be like this anymore. i was in love, i know that, i still do love that person, but somewhere along the line, growing up or just working through life, i think i fell out of love. i believe with the utmost conviction this happened because it was meant to, to open up a new opportunity, to teach a lesson, to come to a realisation, or simply to live on the flipside of my situation. some pretty crazy things have happened this past week, and i don't know where my thoughts start or begin, pretty much disorganised like a lot of things i tend to have any involvement in. there's a huge part of my life missing now, and i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss it, but this is also an opportunity to learn about myself and to learn about a new aspect of the same relationship and other relationships. i got a letter from a friend recently, which made me realise how all consuming life can be at times. this person has been through more with me than anybody, and visa versa, and we hadn't even really spent any time together for the whole year. that doesn't seem right. there's people i want to get to know better, and a God i want to get to know a whole lot better also. this week has been one of the strangest in my whole time (for reasons good and bad and reasons which confuse), and i'm not sure where it is going, but i know i'll always love and cherish our memories forever and always. i'm so glad we spoke today. maybe one day more moves will be busted. ha. and also, if you're reading this, and you haven't been mentioned, you know who you are. (left open and ambiguous on purpose.) we'll have a better chat about this later, all. there's so much going inside my head and my heart i might explode. here's a step towards truth.

ps. zuchini and berlotti bean cake rules.

edit: i dont even know what happened.
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